I Wanna Know D Answer

For some reasons, several things popped up just like it used to do.
Making me remember the pain and sorrow, and piercing sharp sting that felt like it will be a permanent object/sense in my heart.

That was when for some reason I wrote the following comments:

Ya Allah, sesungguhnya hambaMu ini mahu mengetahui.. Apa sebenarnya yang sedang berlaku?

(Dear Almighty One, as one of your follower/believer, I want to know the reason.. The reason behind why things happened this way?)

Mengapa semua yang ada disampingku sering membawa kemarahan, kesedihan, keperitan, penghinaan pada diriku?

(Why those who are around me have the tendency to bring anger, sadness, pain and sorrow, insults to me?)

Mengapa daku rasa seperti setiap permintaanku tidak terkabul; sering diberikan sesuatu yangg jauh lebih kecil nilainya?

(Why do I feel like all I have ever prayed and asked from You never came true; or at least You gave me something else that felt so much lower than I wished it could come to me?)

Mengapa tiap kali daku bersikap seperti insan yang tidak bersyukur baru itu ditunjukkan orang2 yang hidupnya jauh lebih susah? Mengapa

(Why only when I acted like a bastard who never say Alhamdullilah, appreciating whatever You have given me all these while, then You send those who seemed to be living in a much more painful life?

* In some instances, there have been cases where:
– A disabled person who have no limbs/hands would suddenly pass by me, smiling at me
– An insolent-looking person who seems to be ignorant yet he/she reacted to incidents of old people dropping items, immediately giving assistance to them or giving up their seats for them
– A lady who stopped the bus driver where I am one of the passenger to run out an old man who suddenly collapsed to the ground, leaving others stunned


Apa sebabnya? Kadang kala rasanya bagai mahu qiamatkan hidup ini.. Udah terfikir dalam diriku untuk benar2 give up, tetapi.. Astagfirullah-halazim..

(What’s the reason hidden behind all these? At times I felt like giving up, I felt life is useless, just wanted to end my life.. I have thoughts of giving up, but this is not what a Muslim should be.. Astagfirullah-halazim..)

Mungkin benar2 sudah tiba masanya untuk tidak memikirkan apa yang lain mengatakan tentang diriku, untuk sentiasa beristighfar, untuk menentukan apa yang inginku benar2 capai pada masa akan datang?

(Maybe it is time for me to ignore all these, whatever people had to say about me, whatever people had against me, whatever hatred people felt towards me, to always seek forgiveness, to start thinking ahead and gave no chance for anyone to hinder whatever I truly wished to achieve in life?)

I may not be perfect.
But I am a normal human.
A human with limited patience.
A human who might be hypocritical at times.
But I truly don’t understand why some are so reluctant to give in to others.


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